Vulnerability Absolutely Terrifies Me..

Vulnerability absolutely terrifies me.
Anyone else in the same boat?

In the past I have been vulnerable in relationships and it has backfired completely, leaving me feeling heartbroken and alone. Whenever the opportunity for vulnerability presents itself to me, I do my best to avoid it. Oddly enough, asking questions to others that promote vulnerability and seeing them come to challenging conclusions is one of my favorite things to do. When those questions are directed back to me... Forget it. 

My excuses for a long time to evade vulnerability have been, "I don't want conversations to be all about me," or, "Nobody cares how I'm really feeling." I've tried to convince myself that it's my unselfishness that leads me astray from vulnerability... But the truth is the exact opposite. It's a competition to know more about the other person than they know about me. It's about having the upper hand. And if I'm honest, in most of my relationships I'm winning this competition. 

              But is it really winning?

1 Corinthians 2:6-16 has totally rocked my world and has transformed the way I look at vulnerability; particularly verses 11 and 12. 

 "For who knows a person's thoughts except their own spirit within                them? In the same way, no one knows the thoughts of God except                the Spirit of God. What we have received is not the spirit of the                    world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may understand                  what God has freely given us."

God is the ultimate example of vulnerability. The Holy Spirit is the only one who knows God fully. When the Lord saves us, we have the Holy Spirit living in us as well (1 Cor. 6:19-20, John 14:15-17). So not only do we have access to all our own thoughts and ways, but we also have access to all of GOD'S thoughts and ways. Can you imagine implanting your spirit - full of your thoughts and actions - into someone else? That's what God has done! Talk about vulnerability!

Then I think of Jesus on the cross... Naked and bloodied and on display for all to see. His own Father left Him for dead (at least for a little while) and everyone knew it.

             We can learn a lot from God about vulnerability.

God has taught me (and will continue to teach me) that my life, tangible items, and experiences are not mine to keep. I need to give as freely as God has given to me.

              This means I have to be vulnerable.
                 It still terrifies me.
                 But finally I understand its importance.