Peace that Transcends Understanding

I've been thinking back to my junior year in high school a lot lately. For most of my life before that time, I had dreamed of being an author. My junior year brought both clarity and murkiness to my future plans. I knew for sure that writing would not be my career, but didn't know anything else. As person after person asked me what I was going to do after graduation, anxiety for the unknown built up in my heart. What was I going to do with the rest of my life?

My junior year in high school could have definitely been better. Looking back, I know that God's hand was guiding everything that happened. I know that I should've had more faith and let God take control, rather than trying to plan everything myself. Afterall, hindsight is 20/20, right?

However, despite that 20/20 hindsight, I find myself in a very similar predicament right now. A dangerous cocktail of anger and fear build up in me every time someone asks me what I'm going to do after graduation from UNI in December. There is such a vast array of possibilities partnered with a recurring growth of anxiety in choosing the wrong path. 

But then there's my pal Jesus. A gentle nudge reminding me that He's already taken care of everything. He sees my future with perfect clarity. He turns me to His Word in Philippians 4:6-7. He reminds me through His buddy Paul to "not be anxious about anything but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present [my] requests to [Him]," and then He promises that after I do that, "the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard [my] heart and [my] mind in Christ Jesus." Woo!

And then... the control freak in me kicks in. 

Satan whispers lies into my ear. "Everyone else seems to have their futures lined up... Why don't you?" "If you make the wrong decision, the whole world will surely explode!"

A good friend of mine, who is a senior in high school, told me yesterday that she, too, is overwhelmed by planning her future. She told me to turn to Proverbs 16:9. "In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps."

We can try to manipulate and control things all we want, but no matter what, God is in control. Making the "wrong" decision may cause our lives to be more challenging, but it's only challenging because God planned it to be that way, because only HE knows what's best for us in any given circumstance! This knowledge has been in my brain for a very long time, but how sweet it is that the LORD has finally broken through this stubborn heart and made mere knowledge a belief and a reality in my life.

People will continue to ask me "What are your plans for after graduation?" Now I can answer, "I have no idea," with a peace that transcends all understanding. We may not know what lies ahead of us, but God does. For now, all we can do is pray and believe that wherever God ends up leading us, we can find peace in knowing it's exactly where He intended us to be.

What about you?

In what areas of your life do you feel are unclear? Do you have peace in uncertainty? Do you want that peace if you don't already have it, and do you know where to look for it? 

Praying that you seek out that answer if you don't know, and that ultimately you will be able to feel this amazing peace. It's a beautiful thing!

Vulnerability Absolutely Terrifies Me..

Vulnerability absolutely terrifies me.
Anyone else in the same boat?

In the past I have been vulnerable in relationships and it has backfired completely, leaving me feeling heartbroken and alone. Whenever the opportunity for vulnerability presents itself to me, I do my best to avoid it. Oddly enough, asking questions to others that promote vulnerability and seeing them come to challenging conclusions is one of my favorite things to do. When those questions are directed back to me... Forget it. 

My excuses for a long time to evade vulnerability have been, "I don't want conversations to be all about me," or, "Nobody cares how I'm really feeling." I've tried to convince myself that it's my unselfishness that leads me astray from vulnerability... But the truth is the exact opposite. It's a competition to know more about the other person than they know about me. It's about having the upper hand. And if I'm honest, in most of my relationships I'm winning this competition. 

              But is it really winning?

1 Corinthians 2:6-16 has totally rocked my world and has transformed the way I look at vulnerability; particularly verses 11 and 12. 

 "For who knows a person's thoughts except their own spirit within                them? In the same way, no one knows the thoughts of God except                the Spirit of God. What we have received is not the spirit of the                    world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may understand                  what God has freely given us."

God is the ultimate example of vulnerability. The Holy Spirit is the only one who knows God fully. When the Lord saves us, we have the Holy Spirit living in us as well (1 Cor. 6:19-20, John 14:15-17). So not only do we have access to all our own thoughts and ways, but we also have access to all of GOD'S thoughts and ways. Can you imagine implanting your spirit - full of your thoughts and actions - into someone else? That's what God has done! Talk about vulnerability!

Then I think of Jesus on the cross... Naked and bloodied and on display for all to see. His own Father left Him for dead (at least for a little while) and everyone knew it.

             We can learn a lot from God about vulnerability.

God has taught me (and will continue to teach me) that my life, tangible items, and experiences are not mine to keep. I need to give as freely as God has given to me.

              This means I have to be vulnerable.
                 It still terrifies me.
                 But finally I understand its importance.