I loathe confrontation. It's just the worst! Like, I would rather eat a bowl of worms or lick a dumpster than confront someone about an issue. I HATE when people are mad at me or when I am mad at someone. Maybe you can relate.
Because of this loathing, I have been asking God for opportunities to be forced to confront people and for insight on why we as humans don't always get along very well. Let me tell you, He has been answering this prayer! And he has been answering it in pretty interesting, and at times entertaining, ways.
I won't get into all of my recent confrontations but I've recently gained insight on confrontation that I think could be useful and applicable in all of our lives. This insight came from the book "Paper Towns" by John Green, (a great book by a great author that I would recommend) which was a little unexpected, as I would naturally assume that God would provide this insight through the bible or some wonderful Christian living book, or some writing in the clouds, rather than a secular best-seller. But at any rate, here is what I found (don't worry, there will be no spoilers).
In "Paper Towns," Quentin, the main character, is a senior in high school who finds himself in a sticky situation beyond his maturity level, so naturally he turns to his friends for help to get through it. But when he turns to his best friend, Ben, for advice, all Ben can talk about is the upcoming senior prom and his date to said prom. Quentin gets all frustrated with Ben and turns to his friend Radar to vent. While what Radar says in response is simple and could easily be overlooked, it is also extremely insightful. He says, "I think your problem is that you're expecting Ben to be you, but he's not you, he's Ben." So basically Quentin had this expectation for Ben to be interested in what he was interested in, to talk about what he wanted to talk about and his expectations were not being met. Ben was being Ben, not Quentin.
How often have we had fights based on expectations that weren't being met? Have we ever stopped to think about whether:
1) our expectations were realistic
2) our expectations were even verbalized
3) our expectations were actually for ourselves, not for the person we were fighting with?
I think without realizing it, we place expectations on others based on expectations of ourselves and we resent others when they don't meet them... But is that ever fair to expect those to be met by someone who isn't US? By someone who doesn't even know what's expected of them?
Nope.
I think it's essential to constantly be looking at the world from perspectives that aren't our own. I think it's also essential to make any expectations we have of others known to them before we can hold a grudge against them for not measuring up. I think it's essential to actually talk to the people we are doing life with and see how that makes a difference in our relationships with them.
We have all seen different things, experienced different experiences, felt different feelings and faced different trials. Because of that, no one person will have the same perspectives as another. And because of THAT, we will inevitably upset someone and will be upset by another someone.
This has challenged me to evaluate my current relationships: to apologize to some for my unrealistic expectations, to explain my point of view and my resentments, and to ask them for theirs. I would challenge everyone to do the same and see how it changes things.
"You will never understand another person until you consider things from his point of view... Until you climb into his skin and walk around in it..."
~Atticus Finch - "To Kill a Mockingbird"
