I've been thinking back to my junior year in high school a lot lately. For most of my life before that time, I had dreamed of being an author. My junior year brought both clarity and murkiness to my future plans. I knew for sure that writing would not be my career, but didn't know anything else. As person after person asked me what I was going to do after graduation, anxiety for the unknown built up in my heart. What was I going to do with the rest of my life?
My junior year in high school could have definitely been better. Looking back, I know that God's hand was guiding everything that happened. I know that I should've had more faith and let God take control, rather than trying to plan everything myself. Afterall, hindsight is 20/20, right?
However, despite that 20/20 hindsight, I find myself in a very similar predicament right now. A dangerous cocktail of anger and fear build up in me every time someone asks me what I'm going to do after graduation from UNI in December. There is such a vast array of possibilities partnered with a recurring growth of anxiety in choosing the wrong path.
But then there's my pal Jesus. A gentle nudge reminding me that He's already taken care of everything. He sees my future with perfect clarity. He turns me to His Word in Philippians 4:6-7. He reminds me through His buddy Paul to "not be anxious about anything but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present [my] requests to [Him]," and then He promises that after I do that, "the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard [my] heart and [my] mind in Christ Jesus." Woo!
And then... the control freak in me kicks in.
Satan whispers lies into my ear. "Everyone else seems to have their futures lined up... Why don't you?" "If you make the wrong decision, the whole world will surely explode!"
A good friend of mine, who is a senior in high school, told me yesterday that she, too, is overwhelmed by planning her future. She told me to turn to Proverbs 16:9. "In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps."
We can try to manipulate and control things all we want, but no matter what, God is in control. Making the "wrong" decision may cause our lives to be more challenging, but it's only challenging because God planned it to be that way, because only HE knows what's best for us in any given circumstance! This knowledge has been in my brain for a very long time, but how sweet it is that the LORD has finally broken through this stubborn heart and made mere knowledge a belief and a reality in my life.
People will continue to ask me "What are your plans for after graduation?" Now I can answer, "I have no idea," with a peace that transcends all understanding. We may not know what lies ahead of us, but God does. For now, all we can do is pray and believe that wherever God ends up leading us, we can find peace in knowing it's exactly where He intended us to be.
What about you?
In what areas of your life do you feel are unclear? Do you have peace in uncertainty? Do you want that peace if you don't already have it, and do you know where to look for it?
Praying that you seek out that answer if you don't know, and that ultimately you will be able to feel this amazing peace. It's a beautiful thing!
you can't choose the wrong path if whatever you do ultimately allows you to serve the Lord. I have always told my kids, the Lord doesn't necessarily care about the job as much as what you do with it to serve Him. I often think I can't reconcile my career choice and ministry but in reality I can. There are places He can be served and I can be faithful. Are there places I can't go? Yep...but there are thousands of places I can be His hands and feet. Do not panic Azlyn. Doors open and close. Do what you can to be faithful in the moment of the day. We really are only given a day at a time.
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