Dang, God is GOOD.

So, God's generosity and faithfulness absolutely astounds me.

For quite some time now, I have struggled in my faith when it comes to financial stability. I have been asking God to challenge and grow me in this way and felt His nudge to quit my job back in September, in order to more adequately perform my duties at my full-time social work internship and to pour into people that God had put into my life. This was a huge leap of faith, as I had numerous bills to pay and a $4400 goal to reach for Zambia, but not surprisingly, God got me through it! Since finishing my internship, He has provided in enormous ways and I want to give you a brief idea of how He has done so!

-Well over 100% of my $4400 Zambia goal was taken care of through generous donations from family and friends. (Approximately $5000 was donated!!!!)

-I have had nearly twenty opportunities to babysit for several families over the past couple months, which has significantly helped me financially. I also had a chance to dog-sit for a week and help clean a couple of houses! (Thank you to the families who gave me these opportunities!)

-Felt God giving me the nudge to ask for a donation of an acoustic guitar to bring to Zambia, so that I could teach someone how to play and then give them the guitar when I leave there. Within an hour of posting this request on Facebook, I was given a brand new guitar. The next day I was given a donation to help buy items like guitar strings, a tuner, picks, etc. to go along with it.

-God provided an opportunity to travel to Zambia with an amazing family from my home church, rather than travelling alone.

-I received money from my college graduation to create a financial cushion for when I get back from Zambia, until I find a job.

-I have been given countless words of encouragement and prayers for my trip and overall well-being.

-A handful of letters have been sent to me, to be opened in Zambia when I am wanting a little reminder of home!

-I was given all the essentials that I will need for my trip (bug spray, travel-sized stuff for the plane rides, sunscreen, books, etc.) as Christmas presents.

-While my car usually gives me a lot of troubles in the winter and ends up costing me a lot of time and money, I have had virtually NO problems with it, thus far. HUGE blessing.

-I've been given God's peace in nearly every aspect of my trip and in life when I get back.

-I will have the opportunity to spend some time back at home before I leave, to hang out with family and friends there.

-God has grown me in insane ways; especially in the areas of humility and faith.

This is only scratching the surface of what God's been up to! What an amazing feeling, to be used by God and to see Him working in light of that obedience. Continuing to pray that everything that comes from my mouth, every work from my hands, every bit of strength would be used to glorify Him who has provided it all out of His grace and mercy. (Ultimately wanting to live out 1 Peter 4:11).

Thank you thank you thank you to all who have supported me in any way. Seriously can't say thank you enough. Please let me know if there is anything I can be doing to pray for you!

The good, the bad, the ugly.

There are officially 12 days until I graduate from college. Woah nellie. 

A lot of people have been asking me, "So, what are you up to these days?" and "So, what comes next after graduation?" Here are some updates to satisfy any curiosity you may have.

Let's just say that God has been up to some amazing stuff in my life and in the lives of those around me.

Zambia

Last April or May I started to get a strong urge to look into going over to Zambia for a longish-term mission trip/internship after I graduated. In the past several months, nearly $5,000 has been donated by friends and family who have stepped out in faith to support what God will be doing through me when I go. I will be leaving on January 14, and I will be fortunate enough to travel with another family from my home church who has created a non-profit organization that is working to provide computers to college students at the International Bible College of Zambia. Travelling with these guys is a HUGE answer to prayer, as I was terrified to travel over there by myself. 

Over there I will be working with Jeff and Heidi Smith and their family, who have been full-time missionaries out in Zambia for about a year now. This will be an amazing opportunity to work on social work skills, as I will be able to work in orphanages and preschools with little kiddos and possibly also go into the capitol city of Lusaka to interview social workers to see what their system looks like there in comparison to here. I will also get firsthand knowledge and experience of what full-time missions looks like and hopefully see if that is something I would like to do in the future. 

Post-Zambia

I have started the process of applying to go to graduate school at UNI, which would start this summer. Praying that I get accepted into this year-long program! So I will be sticking around Cedar Falls and finding a job, likely working with kids in a school setting. My goal in getting a Master of Social Work degree is to one day become either a play therapist or an elementary school counselor. 

The Good

As I've already said, God has been up to crazy stuff lately. The biggest theme in His teaching as of late is that ultimately this life is not about making us feel comfortable - it is about God being glorified. God has been urging me over and over again to get out of my comfort zone and it has been extremely rewarding. While I have already begun to make plans for my future, I know that God can (and probably will) change these plans to better suit His need. I am excited to see what He has planned and am regularly praying for my desires to become one with His. 

The Bad and the Ugly

While there have been an abundance of blessings and joyous occasions as of late, there have also been some struggles. There have been moments in which I have wavered in my faith and struggled with doubt because of certain circumstances. That said, I could use some prayer when it comes to leaning on God - particularly in the areas of financial stability and health concerns of some of my loved ones. It can be so difficult to let go of control and I wrestle with that daily.

Long Story Short

PRAISES: Fully funded for Zambia, won't be travelling alone, potential job             opportunities when I return, an amazing church family in Waterloo, countless chances to get out of my comfort zone, supportive friends and family, potentially going to grad school, a gracious and loving God that never ceases to provide.

PRAYERS: Renewed faith and reliance on God for the things I can't control (everything), safety in travel to and from Zambia.

Thank you for taking the time to read this! 

Anchor

Lately I've been struggling with some things. Some of these things are related to my future endeavors, as my time as a college student is rapidly coming to an end and I am preparing to face this big bad world head-on. Some of these things are related to homesickness and loneliness. Some are related to issues in relationships. Some are related to coming face-to-face with huge sin patterns in my life, of which I'd never thought I'd wrestled with before. My internship at DHS has given me chances to see how seriously messed up this world can be, and I have shed many tears for the clients I have served so far. There's been much stress, much worry, much anguish over the past month or so. 

Deuteronomy 31 houses a very well-known passage of Scripture; one that I have likely quoted before and one that tends to bring comfort in difficult situations. 

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." (Verse 6)

This verse is quoted in the book of Hebrews as well and over the summer, I happened to be reading both the original context of this Scripture and the quoted context of this Scripture in Hebrews simultaneously, which was really stinking cool and really stinking important. At the time that I was reading these passages, I had no idea what challenges lay ahead of me in the coming months, but now I have a slight feeling that God was very intentional about the timing of these coinciding devotionals. 

The background to which these words are originally referring in Deuteronomy brings much power to their meaning. The Israelites had been through a lot together by this time. They were enslaved in Egypt, freed from Egypt's reign, they fought in wars, they walked through the Red Sea, received the Ten Commandments, got into crazy shenanigans that made God upset, were graciously forgiven by that same God, wandered through the desert with a cloud as their guide by day and a pillar of fire as their guide by night, they'd seen new life created and said good-bye to loved ones, and all the while, Moses (with the spirit of God guiding him) was leading them through it all. But, by the time of Deuteronomy 31, everyone knew that their leader, Moses, (who was not only their leader, but also their advocate and their vehicle to interact with The Lord) would soon be dead. 

Holy crap that would be so terrifying.

So The Lord knows exactly how terrified the Israelites must feel, so has Moses give them this speech in Deuteronomy 31. All throughout this chapter, Moses makes sure to say all the things that THE LORD plans on doing for them once he is gone. In this he emphasizes that it was never actually him (Moses) that was providing the hope, the safety, the comfort to get them to the Promised Land but it was GOD that was faithful, it was GOD that led the way before them, it was GOD that protected them, and it would be GOD that would fulfill His promises by never leaving or forsaking His people. 

So how can we relate to this now?

Well, I don't know about you, but when I am going through periods of hardship, I find myself in an ocean, getting tossed back and forth by the wind and the waves, so to speak, but I'm afraid to let an anchor down in the midst of it because in the past, my choice of anchor has only led me to further destruction. The Israelites faced this same conundrum - they had used Moses as an "anchor" to keep them from harm's way for so long, but Moses DIED. I've made anchors out of people, emotions and worthless idols in the past and they have all left me stranded and broken. But there's one Anchor that has promised to keep us grounded, even in the midst of the storms, and of course that is my pal Jesus.

I don't want this to sound cheesy or cliche, because it is absolutely NOT either of those things. The Lord has pressed upon me this need to ask myself daily, hourly, even SECONDLY, if necessary, where I am putting my trust and my hope and I feel like He wants you to do the same. Because although it is a risk to put your trust into Someone who is unseen, it is 100% worth it to know that that Someone has promised to NEVER leave you nor forsake you.

Over My Head

As discussed in my previous blog post, the LORD has had me on this journey to attempt to define some tough concepts/ideas as of late: what is life? What is freedom? Rest? Faith? Hope? Ultimately, there is one concept that, when not only defined, but LIVED, will bring clarity to every possible anomaly out there.

                  Love.

Ah, Love. It cannot merely be shown but must be lived. For God did not just show us Love but BECAME Love and we are called to do the same. Love is a lifestyle and love is a Person. When we also become Love, we will finally be able to experience and comprehend the incomprehensible. 

Through God's generous provision, I have come up with a little list of what true Love looks like. To be honest, I'm in way over my head with this thing. Love at its (or His) best can probably never be fully defined or understood on this side of eternity, but I plan to continue learning every day. Please feel free to add to this list if you so desire.

Love is...
               -Patient and Kind
    -Comforting                              -Generous                      
                                                                                                                -Strong
                  -Jealous                               -Guidance
-All-Consuming                                                                     -Humble
                                    -Obedient                                                                    -Relentless
        -Intentional
                                                           -Unexpected and Undeserved
  -Set Apart; yet Inviting                       -Un-Swaying and Unchanging           -Trusting
                            -Rest, Freedom, and Life              
           -Forgiving                                                                                                          -Presence
                                               -A Covenant, an Oath, a Promise
-Redeeming and Sanctifying

Love...
           -Provides                                                  -Carries us                        -Follows Through
-Doesn't Discriminate                       -Endures                
                                          -Blesses
                                                                                                            -Roots for the Underdog
               -Tests, but doesn't Tempt
    -Lives                                                                    -Multiplies                             -Protects
                              -Disciplines and Speaks Truth                       -Serves and Saves and Satisfies
 -Intercedes and Understands
                                                             -Fights and WINS


I love Love.

Excuse me while I clean up from my brain explosion...

I enjoy thinking deeply.There's just something exhilarating about learning new things about myself or the people/world around me. I recently got to take a May-term class called Perspectives on Death and Dying, which is a class notorious for its intensity and difficulty. I got to think deeply a lot. In this class, I felt challenged to take some time to redefine my already-made definitions of ideas like life, love, death, pain, joy, peace, and most of all, freedom.

God has been sending me on a journey for quite some time now to learn about what freedom really looks like. What does it mean to be truly free? On the surface, I suppose, it would mean to be liberated from physical constraints like chains or walls. But at the core, what does it really look like?

Here's what God has shown me so far.

The book, "The Great Divorce," by C.S. Lewis, tells a fictional story of a man who travels from hell to Heaven out of curiosity. He seems to have a good life in hell where he is able to do whatever he wants, think whatever he wants, and even create whatever he wants, but I think something deep inside of him longed for something more. In Heaven, he realizes that all the things he had obtained down in hell weren't real. Even he himself wasn't real in comparison to Heaven's realness. Because of that fact, it seemed to be very difficult to live in Heaven among the real things, because all he knew for so long was no longer considered reality. He hears Heaven's inhabitants telling other travelers from hell that the only way to true life is to let go of the fake things they've accumulated in hell and trade them for something real - a life in Heaven... A life of FREEDOM.

See, there's this illusion of freedom in hell - people there can do whatever they want, whenever they want, etc. And there's this illusion of bondage in Heaven, because to live there, people have to give up what they've been accumulating and live according to "rules." 

They had it backward. We also have it backward.

There are the same illusions in the world today. Living in sin seems to be so freeing, because we don't have to adhere to any set of rules. We do what we want! To live according to God's standards seems to be so much work because we have to give up everything else. WRONG!!!!

(This is where my brain explosion occurred).

God created us in His image, right? Genesis 1:26 tells us this. God is good, right? So when He created us, we also were good. Sin entered the world and everything got messed up. We got freedom confused with bondage. We made God mad on a regular basis and we continue to defy Him today. BUT at our core, we are all STILL made in God's image. At our core we are good. 

I think freedom happens when things work like they are designed to work. When a toy is working properly, it naturally does what it's supposed to do - it's free from brokenness. So for us, to be free from brokenness is to act like we were initially designed to act... Like God. When God created the Ten Commandments along with the rest of the rules and regulations in the Old Testament, it seemed like He was binding us to this set of rules and regulations. We had to give things up that we used to love. But, in reality, God was just reminding us how to be free... How to live fully, without bondage. He reminded us of this over and over and over again (see the Old Testament for proof of this) but we continued to choose bondage over freedom.

Every time we do something that reflects God's image, we are living like we are supposed to. We are working properly and therefore...

WE ARE FREE.

Breaking Cycles

As a social work student and somebody who is absolutely fascinated by psychology, I find that I am especially prone to notice cycles of behavior within individuals, families, and society in general. For example, in my own life, I see myself falling into the same patterns of sin over and over again. In families there can be cycles of alcoholism, divorce, abuse, etc. In society in general, we are constantly hearing of the "cycle of poverty," as well as cycles of crime, and others as well. Once a cycle has started, it seems to be nearly impossible to break, because there are often elements in our environments or even in our genetic makeup that trigger the cycle to continue. 

This is so stinking frustrating. 

I have recently gotten the opportunity to get a glimpse into some cycles in my own family that seem to have gone on for many years and are just now coming out into the open. These cycles have created broken relationships and much pain, but because they have been brought into the light, my family is on their way to restoration.

The cycle is breaking.

We see this in the Bible as well. Adam and Eve ate fruit from the tree that they were forbidden to eat from; thus bringing sin into being. Then they had kids that were "made in their own likeness," (Genesis 5:3) which means that they were sinners, too. Romans 5:12 says, "Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, in this way death came to all men, because all sinned..." Just like that, the cycle of sin and death begun. Just one fruit from that one tree started this cycle that would last for generations upon generations. 

But then Jesus came and broke it.

Romans 5:18 says, "Consequently, just as the result of one trespass was condemnation for all men, so also was the result of one act of righteousness was justification that brings life for all men." After Adam and before Jesus, sin created an impenetrable barrier between us and God. But now that Jesus has died for His sin-cycle-bound children, the cycle has been broken, the barrier has been lifted, and our relationship with God has been restored.

For those of us who are in Christ, we are FREE from this cycle of sin and death. How can we live and think differently in light of this truth?

For me, I will remember Romans 8:1 that tells us, "there is now no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus." I will live as a new creation, because my old self - stuck in a death trap - was crucified on a tree with my sweet Savior (Romans 6:6-7). I will live as one who is not bound to the sin that life in Adam once offered me, but rather I will be bound only to the freedom that the Lord provides through faith in Him. 

I urge you to think of some ways of your own that will remind you of how Jesus was able to break this cycle. It is beautiful and it means FREEDOM

Taking the Scenic Route

It amazes me how much we rely on instant gratification nowadays. When we have a headache, we take some Advil and get annoyed when it takes more than fifteen minutes to work. When we see something we like, many times we go buy it... Even if it is beyond our means. When we watch a YouTube video and it starts buffering, we give up and watch something else. When we see a friend of ours going through a hard time, we try our hardest to fix it so they don't have to feel sad anymore. 

We don't like to feel pain or anxiety and we don't like to be patient. Whatever is the quickest route away from those feelings is usually the best in our eyes. 

But the quickest way isn't always the best way.

I've been reading through Exodus and just got done reading about the Passover and the Lord freeing the Israelites from the slavery of the Egyptians. In Exodus 12 it says that Israel had been enslaved in Egypt for a whopping 430 years. There were over 600,000 of God's people who had never known anything but bondage. They had heard of a promise that God had made to their forefathers about their people one day being granted freedom in the "promised land," but it really didn't seem like a possibility after being in Egypt for so long. Nevertheless, through the eventual softening of Pharaoh's heart after many devastating plagues, God finally gave His chosen people the freedom they'd been longing for and sent them toward the promised land. But this journey to the promised land would be a little different than they had probably expected... I find Exodus 13:17-18 to be pretty interesting.

"When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them on the road through the Philistine country, though that was shorter. For God said, 'If they face war, they might change their minds and return to Egypt.' So God led the people around by the desert road toward the Red Sea..."

So even though the route through the Philistine country would've been a short cut, God intentionally led them another way. It doesn't mention it here, but I imagine the Israelites being annoyed and uncertain as to why God was taking them this way. After all their time in captivity, they just wanted a place to call home and to feel comfortable. But God knew what they actually needed. Not only did this longer route make it so that Israel could avoid warfare and possible bloodshed, but it also led to one of the most famous and God-glorifying stories in the Bible - Moses parting the Red Sea.

There are so many times in life when we want to take the easy way out of tough and uncomfortable situations, whether that would be settling for something less than we deserve, telling a white lie to appease another person, or choosing a "safe" choice over a challenging one. To be honest, I do this all the time, but God has been revealing to me lately that easier isn't always better. Quicker isn't always more beneficial. God's concept of time is so much different than ours - He doesn't rush anything. His timing is perfect. If we are able to take a second to ask God which direction HE wants us to go, it is likely that we will remain in our struggle or our pain for a little while longer, but it is also likely that He will glorify Himself through us in ways that we can never begin to imagine. 

Praying that you may be able to apply this teaching from God to different areas in your life. It's not easy, and it doesn't always turn out how we plan, but I guarantee that if you keep your heart and eyes open to God's work around you, He will make His plans for your life known to you.