CAR Recap!

Most of you know already that I just got back from a trip to Central African Republic.  I am so grateful for the relationships I've built at Jonathan's House for Orphans and in the community of Sibut.  To be clear, at this time I am not pursuing full time ministry in Central African Republic, but I will continue to maintain the relationships that have been built.  Here are just a couple of pictures to show you what kinds of things we were up to over there!

Here's our whole team in our "Sunday Best," about to leave for church.  The children were so proud to wear their donated outfits!  Some of them had never worn brand new clothing before.  Some even kept the tags on the clothes until they fell off ;).  

Our team was very diverse when it came to our abilities, passions, and reasons for coming on the trip.  Several people were able to tell some of the children that they would be adopting them (we now have SEVEN families who have started the adoption process through Jonathan's House, with at least ELEVEN children being adopted in total!!!!!), one spoke fluent French and helped us communicate with the children and staff, one led a class about caring for people who have experienced trauma, some helped work on a new water system for the orphanage, two were there to create a short film to promote the orphanage and CAR as a whole, and I was able to have counseling sessions with each of the children and staff members!  It was a great trip.

One day we had "Christmas in July," and gave all of the children backpacks full of donated gifts from their sponsors.  We wanted to show all of the children just how loved they are by their sponsor families!  I got to tell Sacre Coeur (pictured above) that I am his sponsor and gave him a picture of me to keep.

God laid it on my heart about a month ago to lead a devotional on John 13, when Jesus washed the disciples' feet.  We were able to follow Jesus' call by washing the feet of every child and staff member at the orphanage.  This was an incredibly humbling and precious moment for our team.

I was able to reconnect with Modeste, who is a disabled man I met for the first time last August.  He continues to repair bicycles at a shop in the community.  A couple of teammates and I were very passionate about advocating for his continued work in the community, as this is uncommon among the disabled in the Majority World (unemployment among the disabled is as high as 85% in developing countries).  Ultimately, we would love to empower the local church to take charge of advocating for this man, so please be praying about this.

Our team was also able to provide worms medicine and bread to over 1,000 children in the community of Sibut.  Not only were the children given medicine and bread, but they were given the opportunity to accept Jesus into their heart - some for the first time.  This was a chaotic, yet incredible experience for our team members.

Thank you all so much for your prayers leading up to this trip and for your prayers while we were over in CAR.  

Into the Darkness

I love reading through the Old Testament of the bible.  It has taken many years of God shaping my heart to get me to this point of actually longing to read the first 39 books of His Word.  I used to hate it...  I found it dry, dark, violent, and cruel.  

But reading the Old Testament has dramatically broadened and deepened my view of the LORD.  I realize now, more than ever, that God is full of both grace AND truth (John 1:14).  Previous to delving into the Old Testament, I only wanted to see grace...  He has revealed to me the importance of truth and justice as well.  Moreover, He has shown me that to truly live in the Light, we need to be willing to acknowledge - and even enter into - the darkness.

Exodus chapter 20 describes the moment when the LORD revealed the Ten Commandments to Moses on Mount Sinai.  Verse 18 presents an image of God's Presence on the mountain and Israel's reaction to this Presence:  "Now when all the people saw the thunder and the flashes of lightning and the sound of the trumpet and the mountain smoking, the people were afraid and trembled, and they stood far off..."

On the other hand, here is Moses's reaction in verse 21: "The people stood far off, while  Moses drew near to the thick darkness where God was."

I'm also reading through the book of Acts, where Paul and other disciples of Christ intentionally put themselves into dangerous positions, knowing full well that: 1) They could be hurt or killed, but more importantly, 2) That's where God was and that's where He needed them to be at that moment.

All over the bible - Old Testament and New - we see people cowering in fear when the LORD reveals Himself to them.  This is partially good, because it's actually important to have a healthy fear of, and reverence to, God.  But I think that sometimes this fear goes too far and keeps us from entering into the places in which He is present.  I can't tell you how many times I have declined from participating in some activity because it was out of my comfort zone or dangerous.  There have been so many times in which I have said "no" before ever consulting the LORD to see if that's where He needed me to be at that particular time.

I believe that our Father is calling ALL of us into the darkness to bring Light.  Sure, this looks different for all of us.  For some, it means physically uprooting and moving into the darkest corners of the world.  For them, it may mean losing their lives to bring Him glory.  For others, it may be to reach out to a neighbor or co-worker, or doing something they normally wouldn't do but SHOULD do, because the God of the universe is calling them to do it.  

So are we going to be the people that cower at a distance, while some other "Moses" enters into the darkness where God is and wants us to be?  I won't lie to you - I may take this option sometimes, but I am vowing to pray for opportunities to enter in to this darkness and for the boldness of God in me to go when I am called.  Will you join me?

Psych!

I'm reading through the book of Acts right now and one particular story has been challenging me.  In Acts 3:1-10, Luke writes about a beggar who has been lame since birth.  Every day he was carried to the temple to ask people for money.  The disciples John and Peter walked up to him and, like he did to everyone else that walked by the temple, the beggar asked for money.  Instead of giving him money, John and Peter healed him in the name of Jesus Christ and just like that he was able to walk, run, and jump for the first time in his life.

It made me wonder... How many times have I asked God for "money" when in all reality I needed "healing"?  Of course, I am speaking figuratively here...  But how many times have I asked for something futile when I know full well that God is capable of doing "immeasurably more than all we ask or think" (Ephesians 3:20)?

I wanted to give you a quick update on the "immeasurably more" that God has been working as of late, specifically in the missionary segment of my life.

For several months now I have been partnering with a missions agency called Converge Worldwide.  Together we had decided back in October that I would pursue a 1-2 year internship in Nigeria to give me full-time missions experience so that someday I would work to create my own ministry caring for vulnerable populations in the world; namely orphans and people with disabilities.  I had a "vision" trip planned to visit Nigeria this month and couldn't wait to start fundraising so I could move over there.  I kept asking God for safety while traveling to Nigeria and clarity on what His plan was for me over there.  After much struggle with getting my visa processed in time to go to Nigeria, the trip has been cancelled. So that's where the "psych" comes in.  [A few days ago I was reflecting on the past 10 months of my life and realized that God has opened and closed the doors (essentially saying "psych!" to me) to FIVE different ministry opportunities.  That's a lot of "psych's" in such a short period of time.]

Instead, an opportunity has come up to travel to Cote d'Ivoire (Ivory Coast) from February 15-20 to see if this might be a good place to do an internship instead.  

I have absolutely no idea what God has in store for this trip or for my future.  I have been learning through this process not to be defeated when plans change, because these changes always happen for good reason.  I prayed for "money" like the beggar and, like the beggar, I was given "healing" instead.  Continuously learning to trust in the Lord's sovereignty, providence, and provision through times of triumph and times of defeat.

Thank you for your continued prayers as I attempt (and often fail) to navigate God's will for full-time ministry.

Fair-Weather Fan

Most of us saw the Rosebowl (or "Roseblow") game on New Year's Day, right?  One thing that my family talked about as we cringed on behalf of our Hawkeyes was how quickly many of the fans were to jump off the bandwagon and disown a team they had previously been so proud of, once they saw how badly the game was going.  I saw countless Facebook posts defaming the team and I know that a lot of people quit watching the game after the first half went so horribly for us.

The next day I saw a news piece interviewing Rosebowl attendees from Iowa, asking the fans, "What went wrong in this game?"  Various answers sprung forth trying to put words to the horrific defeat by Stanford University.  Throughout the news piece I noticed that none of the people who were interviewed felt that their trip to California was a waste of time.  They remained faithful to their Hawkeyes.

I think we all know the term "Fair-Weather Fan," which insinuates that when games are being won, records are being made, etc., we are quick to hop on board and become a fan, but once the "weather" turns for the worse, we are just as quick to jump ship.  The first group of people I mentioned would be considered Fair-Weather Fans, while the latter example proved to be faithful fans. I admit that I have fallen into the Fair-Weather category more than once before.

Not to be cliche, but this idea of being a Fair-Weather Fan can easily be connected to our devotion to our churches or even to Jesus.  When we love a pastor, a worship leader, or a staff at a church, it is easy to be devoted fully, without hesitation.  But as soon as something changes within the structure of the church, we often start to question whether or not we want to be associated with it anymore.  Now, don't get me wrong, sometimes there are significant changes or struggles in a church that may cause you to leave.  I get that.  

But think also about our walk with the Lord.  When life is going smoothly, we have enough money in our bank account, and we have a good support system among family and friends, we are usually quick to praise God.  However, as soon as the trials come and the blessings cease, questions and doubts begin to flood our heart and mind.  

Jesus has called us to a radical and even scandalous life when we chose to follow Him.  When He called His disciples to follow Him, He didn't merely say, "say a prayer and follow me," or "follow me and everything will be peachy," but rather He said things like, "deny yourself, take up your cross and follow me" (Matt.16:24), "sell all your possessions and follow me" (Matt. 19:21), and "don't attend your father's funeral but follow me" (Luke 9:60).  He interrupted people while they were working and told them to quit their job to follow Him, without even saying goodbye to their families.  He told people that when they follow Him, they may be homeless and they may even die for their faith.  He asked people to follow Him without any hesitation.

I don't know about you, but my life doesn't look that radical.  I like to be comfortable and the cost that Jesus talks about to follow Him doesn't appeal much to me.  I'm fine following Him when I'm also allowed to have financial security, good health, and a place to lay my head at night.  I am a Fair Weather Follower of Jesus and that is not okay with me.

I don't know where you are in your walk with Jesus, but I encourage you to examine yourself in this moment and ask the Lord what you can do to live the life that HE wants you to live, rather than the one YOU want to live.  Let's be on fire, rather than lukewarm.  Let's abandon our Fair-Weather tendencies, because Jesus also tells us that it is WORTH IT to live completely abandoned and surrendered to Him.

Will you join me in being radially committed to the only One worth following?

The Great Commission

What a whirlwind the past year has been for me.  I've lived in 6 different homes, travelled to 4 different countries (including the US), had 6 different jobs, graduated from college, and SO much more.  Makes me tired just thinking about it! 

Throughout the past year I have been asking God for specific direction when it comes to international missions.  I have gone back and forth and plans have changed countless times but it seems that I'm finally seeing a somewhat clear picture of what my near future may look like (though we all know that's subject to change)!  For those of you who are interested, this is what life is looking like for me right now:

-Employment: I'm working 2 jobs - one at a daycare and one at Ankeny Free Church as a Worship Coordinator.  

-Missions: I have OFFICIALLY started the process to become a missionary with an agency called Converge Worldwide.  It is likely that my first "deployment" will be a 1-2 year long internship in Africa.  Soon I will start raising funds to get me over there for the internship!

-Living Situation: I'm living with my dad, who has graciously allowed me to stay with him for no rent so I can save money for missions.  

-Jonathan's House: I'm the Sponsorship Coordinator for Jonathan's House for Orphans in Central African Republic and though I won't be doing my internship in that country I still plan to stay in contact with the people there.  

-GOD IS MOVING.  None of this would be possible without Him, I really mean that.  His thoughts and ways are far greater than my own and my deepest desire is to bring Him glory in everything He calls me to.  

Here's how you can pray:

-For the (approximately) 6,400 people groups in the world who have never heard the Gospel.  They are living in darkness until they hear this good news!

-For the missionaries you or your church already support.  They have exhausting jobs and need specific prayer, based on their situations!

-For me as I start this journey to live out the Great Commission.  I can't wait to see all that God has in store!

Thanks for taking the time to read this.  Grateful for you all!  If you are interested in hearing more about my journey or about missions in general, please get ahold of me and we'll get together! 

"Then I heard the voice of the LORD saying, 'Whom shall I send?  And who will go for us?'  And I said, 'Here am I.  Send me!'"  ~Isaiah 6:8

WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!

I'd be lying if I said I never get frustrated with God for not being clear about His desires for my life.  I mean, seriously, can't He just tell me EXACTLY what He wants me to do?  Can't He just write me a message in the clouds or send me a letter or an email?

It seems like every time I think I have my future figured out, something changes dramatically.  People tell me all the time that they can't keep up with me because my plans keep changing.... Anyone else with me here?

It wasn't until this morning that I realized that I've been trying wayyyyy too hard to discern what God's will is for my life.  I've been trying instead of living.  I've been thinking instead of doing.  I've been yearning instead of praising.

Oops.

Correct me if I'm off base here...  But I simply don't think that God is always crystal clear about what He wants from us.  Sometimes He is, but not always.  I think that in most cases He paints a broad picture for us and allows us to discern the details.  This empowerment from God to discern for myself what paths I take in life terrified me at first.  But for the first time, Proverbs 3:5-6 has finally gone from simple head knowledge to heart resonation.  If we are seeking God with all our heart, we can't go wrong!  We may have multiple options roaming around in our brains about our future and as long as we are attuned to the Holy Spirit's movement, we have freedom to choose any one of those options without worrying about following God's will.  #liberation

I don't think this means that we won't make mistakes anymore, because that's just inevitable.  But we can take comfort in knowing that God has a plan even for our mistakes.  Somehow he takes our failures and makes them successes for Himself.  He will always be glorified.

So keep praying, keep reading the Word, keep asking for direction.  He is faithful in provision.  But don't forget to LIVE while discerning.  He will make the most of our discernment, I guarantee it.

See you later, PLC

Goodbyes are the worst.  Calling it "see you later" instead of "goodbye" doesn't really help, either.  

I had a big "see you later" with a place that has been my home for the past three years: Prairie Lakes Church.  Not sure if I can possibly say how much I've appreciated being a part of this church family but I will certainly try!

When I first got to Cedar Falls to start school at UNI, I absolutely hated it.  I was planning on moving back to Ankeny after my first semester.  I was lonely and homesick and missed my mommy.  It wasn't until I started getting connected at PLC that I realized I was exactly where I needed to be.  

Through the past couple of years, God has grown me and shaped me more than I have ever grown and been shaped before.  Through an internship, a job, and volunteer experiences at PLC I learned what a positive work environment looks like.  I learned about my personal strengths and how to build up strengths of others.  I was poured into and was also able to pour into others.  I learned about healthy relationships with the "least of these" and how to work to alleviate poverty in an effective way.  Most importantly I learned that I never have to stop learning!  There is always room for growth and challenges.  

The best memory I have of PLC is Good Friday 2013.  That night, through worship a message from pastor Jesse I was finally able to truly realize the impact of Jesus' final words before dying on the cross: "It is finished."  This was a life-changing evening for me - I even got "it is finished" permanently imprinted on my body to remind me of the freedom and completeness that come from those three simple words.  

God's work through Prairie Lakes Church has empowered and prepared me for wherever God may lead me next.  I am so beyond grateful for their support and so beyond excited to see what this next season of life brings.