WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!

I'd be lying if I said I never get frustrated with God for not being clear about His desires for my life.  I mean, seriously, can't He just tell me EXACTLY what He wants me to do?  Can't He just write me a message in the clouds or send me a letter or an email?

It seems like every time I think I have my future figured out, something changes dramatically.  People tell me all the time that they can't keep up with me because my plans keep changing.... Anyone else with me here?

It wasn't until this morning that I realized that I've been trying wayyyyy too hard to discern what God's will is for my life.  I've been trying instead of living.  I've been thinking instead of doing.  I've been yearning instead of praising.

Oops.

Correct me if I'm off base here...  But I simply don't think that God is always crystal clear about what He wants from us.  Sometimes He is, but not always.  I think that in most cases He paints a broad picture for us and allows us to discern the details.  This empowerment from God to discern for myself what paths I take in life terrified me at first.  But for the first time, Proverbs 3:5-6 has finally gone from simple head knowledge to heart resonation.  If we are seeking God with all our heart, we can't go wrong!  We may have multiple options roaming around in our brains about our future and as long as we are attuned to the Holy Spirit's movement, we have freedom to choose any one of those options without worrying about following God's will.  #liberation

I don't think this means that we won't make mistakes anymore, because that's just inevitable.  But we can take comfort in knowing that God has a plan even for our mistakes.  Somehow he takes our failures and makes them successes for Himself.  He will always be glorified.

So keep praying, keep reading the Word, keep asking for direction.  He is faithful in provision.  But don't forget to LIVE while discerning.  He will make the most of our discernment, I guarantee it.

See you later, PLC

Goodbyes are the worst.  Calling it "see you later" instead of "goodbye" doesn't really help, either.  

I had a big "see you later" with a place that has been my home for the past three years: Prairie Lakes Church.  Not sure if I can possibly say how much I've appreciated being a part of this church family but I will certainly try!

When I first got to Cedar Falls to start school at UNI, I absolutely hated it.  I was planning on moving back to Ankeny after my first semester.  I was lonely and homesick and missed my mommy.  It wasn't until I started getting connected at PLC that I realized I was exactly where I needed to be.  

Through the past couple of years, God has grown me and shaped me more than I have ever grown and been shaped before.  Through an internship, a job, and volunteer experiences at PLC I learned what a positive work environment looks like.  I learned about my personal strengths and how to build up strengths of others.  I was poured into and was also able to pour into others.  I learned about healthy relationships with the "least of these" and how to work to alleviate poverty in an effective way.  Most importantly I learned that I never have to stop learning!  There is always room for growth and challenges.  

The best memory I have of PLC is Good Friday 2013.  That night, through worship a message from pastor Jesse I was finally able to truly realize the impact of Jesus' final words before dying on the cross: "It is finished."  This was a life-changing evening for me - I even got "it is finished" permanently imprinted on my body to remind me of the freedom and completeness that come from those three simple words.  

God's work through Prairie Lakes Church has empowered and prepared me for wherever God may lead me next.  I am so beyond grateful for their support and so beyond excited to see what this next season of life brings.  

A Letter for the Orphan

I have had a soft spot for adoption for a few years now.  In the winter of 2012 I was asked to help lead worship at a high school retreat.  The theme of the retreat was "Adopted."  We read through Romans 8 that weekend.  Though none of us were actually adopted by our parents, we learned about how God specifically picked us up out of our personal filthy orphanages of sin. In that moment, He called us His son; His daughter.  After years of searching, we found our "Abba," our Daddy (Romans 8:15).  We had absolutely nothing to offer him as orphans.  Our clothes were tattered, our spirits were shattered, our strength was gone.  It was in our most vulnerable of moments that He said, "I want him; I want her."   

I find it incredible that God takes those most vulnerable moments - when we are lost, broken, desperate, and completely incapable of doing anything good for ourselves - and He makes them beautiful.  

When we were in CAR I got to witness and videotape the moment when Matthew and Tina Farrell told three orphaned boys that they were going to be adopted.  As the boys took in this news that they were going to have a family, we could all tell that they were overwhelmed.  They had done nothing to deserve this gift.  They had been scared and desperate and broken for their whole lives.  

So it is with us.  We may not feel like we deserve this gift that is being given to us.  Yet God is looking at us now and is calling us to be His.  I pray that all the orphans of the world may one day know that they never have to lose hope.  They are held by the Creator of the universe. 

So here is a letter to the orphan: 

To the one who wanders the streets in desperation, to the one who searches but never finds, to the fatherless, to the motherless, to the helpless, to the hopeless: YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  You are seen.  You are known.  You are loved.  You are worth dying for.  

So... What now?

Our team before we headed off to church.

Our time at Jonathan's House for Orphans was life-changing.

Each of our teammates got to stand up and speak at church.

This is Modeste. He has cerebral palsy and has lost all function of both of his legs. He crawls on his hands and knees to get around. When he has to travel long distances, he uses a bike with hand pedals. He travels several kilometers to work at a bicycle repair shop every day. Our team was able to support him in his bicycle repair business by purchasing tools that will help him to repair motorcycles as well as regular bicycles. He amazed us because even though he has a disability he continues to work hard to support himself and his family.

So... What now?

As most of you know, I recently returned from an amazing trip to Central African Republic. I could go on for years about how much this trip has impacted me and the team that I went with! But now that we have returned, many people are asking a good question... "What now?"

So I thought it would be a good idea to give a quick update of what my life looks like now and what it might look like in the near future.  

Role with Jonathan's House

Since returning from CAR, I have had this amazing burden to do something to stay in touch with the staff and the children at the orphanage that we stayed at.  I have been given the opportunity to become the Sponsorship Coordinator for Jonathan's House for Orphans in CAR! This basically means that if anyone wants to sponsor one of the children at the orphanage, they come to me so I can give them directions on how to donate.  I also will be responsible for updating sponsors about their sponsor children!  This is such a cool opportunity and I can't wait to get started.  If you or someone you know is interested in sponsoring a child through Jonathan's House, please contact me!! My e-mail address is fan4tennis92@yahoo.com and my phone number is 515-783-4056.

Future in Missions

Some of you know that I have felt God pushing me toward full-time missions for some time now. I have recently been able to take some tangible steps to make full-time missions a reality! I have begun to partner with a missions organization called Converge. If everything works out with them, they will be sending me out into the mission field soon (I do not have a specific timeline yet). Though I don't know exactly what lies ahead, I am in constant search of the LORD's direction to lead me along the right path. 

Prayer Requests

-Please pray that every child at Jonathan's House would receive a sponsor and eventually a forever family.
-Also be praying for the Farrell family. They were on my team to CAR and are in the process of adopting three boys from the orphanage. Pray for everything to go smoothly in CAR and in the US as they complete this process. They want their boys to come home ASAP!
-Pray for me as I continue to navigate through this process to become a missionary.

Your love and support is much appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read this and to pray.

*Insert Adequate Title Here*

These are just a few of the beautiful faces and even more beautiful souls we got to encounter at Jonathan's House for Orphans in Central African Republic. These kids are full of life, full of love, and full of joy, despite circumstances that could've robbed them of these things. God is moving in CAR, that is for sure! Pictured from left to right are: "Little" Rodrigue, Manuella, Grace, Jospin, and "Big" Rodrigue. They love playing at the basketball court that was generously donated to the town of Sibut.

This is Sacre Coeur. He is about 8 years old and is as sweet as pie. He's quiet but loves to be tickled and loves even more to cuddle. He also loves little kids and would regularly be seen holding the baby at the orphanage or chasing the younger kids around. Such a gem! On the last night that we were at the orphanage he asked if I was his Mommy; if he was my child. I wish I could've explained how much it killed me to tell him "no" to these questions, but I simply said "no" and ran to my room to sob for 10 minutes or so. I pray that someday very soon he will have someone to call "Mommy," but until that day I pray that he would be able to rest in God's perfect love for him.

This is Sandra. She is 13 years old and she is my hero! She and her 13-month-old brother, Sylvain, were rescued from a nearby village called Njouku after it was almost completely destroyed by rebels. She has seen more violence and has endured more emotional trauma than I can even explain. She is also currently acting as the mother figure to her baby brother, caring for all of his needs. The single best moment I experienced while I was in CAR (and maybe in my whole life) was very brief and it involved Sandra. Sandra had given baby Sylvain to one of the other girls for a little bit and she was playing with a basketball with the biggest possible smile upon her face. I was convinced that up to that point, she hadn't done much playing in her entire life and I had never ever seen so much joy in one person. She has so much responsibility on her shoulders for such a young girl but in that moment, it all faded away. Seriously the most amazing moment. Love that precious girl.

I had the privilege of bringing 70 pounds of Plumpy Nut (a high-calorie, nutritional food designed for malnourished children) over to CAR. We had only planned on giving it to one child at the orphanage but when we arrived, we realized that six of the children there were in desperate need of more nutrition. Here are four of the boys (Elysee, Teranus, Rodrigue, and Jordan) eating their Plumpy Nut! They loved it! I will be tracking their weight gain for the next few weeks and am praying that they get to a healthy weight soon.

What a beautiful view we had on top of a hill at Jonathan's House all week. We simply had to look out the window or walk outside to behold God's masterpiece that is known to so few people outside of Africa. My prayer is for the knowledge of this country to grow by leaps and bounds because the people of this country need hope and hope begins with knowledge. Please share with people you know!

Great Expectations

I loathe confrontation. It's just the worst! Like, I would rather eat a bowl of worms or lick a dumpster than confront someone about an issue. I HATE when people are mad at me or when I am mad at someone. Maybe you can relate.

Because of this loathing, I have been asking God for opportunities to be forced to confront people and for insight on why we as humans don't always get along very well. Let me tell you, He has been answering this prayer! And he has been answering it in pretty interesting, and at times entertaining, ways. 

I won't get into all of my recent confrontations but I've recently gained insight on confrontation that I think could be useful and applicable in all of our lives. This insight came from the book "Paper Towns" by John Green, (a great book by a great author that I would recommend) which was a little unexpected, as I would naturally assume that God would provide this insight through the bible or some wonderful Christian living book, or some writing in the clouds, rather than a secular best-seller. But at any rate, here is what I found (don't worry, there will be no spoilers). 

In "Paper Towns," Quentin, the main character, is a senior in high school who finds himself in a sticky situation beyond his maturity level, so naturally he turns to his friends for help to get through it. But when he turns to his best friend, Ben, for advice, all Ben can talk about is the upcoming senior prom and his date to said prom. Quentin gets all frustrated with Ben and turns to his friend Radar to vent. While what Radar says in response is simple and could easily be overlooked, it is also extremely insightful. He says, "I think your problem is that you're expecting Ben to be you, but he's not you, he's Ben." So basically Quentin had this expectation for Ben to be interested in what he was interested in, to talk about what he wanted to talk about and his expectations were not being met. Ben was being Ben, not Quentin. 

How often have we had fights based on expectations that weren't being met? Have we ever stopped to think about whether: 

      1) our expectations were realistic

      2) our expectations were even verbalized

      3) our expectations were actually for ourselves, not for the person we were fighting with?

I think without realizing it, we place expectations on others based on expectations of ourselves and we resent others when they don't meet them... But is that ever fair to expect those to be met by someone who isn't US? By someone who doesn't even know what's expected of them? 

Nope. 

I think it's essential to constantly be looking at the world from perspectives that aren't our own. I think it's also essential to make any expectations we have of others known to them before we can hold a grudge against them for not measuring up. I think it's essential to actually talk to the people we are doing life with and see how that makes a difference in our relationships with them. 

We have all seen different things, experienced different experiences, felt different feelings and faced different trials. Because of that, no one person will have the same perspectives as another. And because of THAT, we will inevitably upset someone and will be upset by another someone. 

 

This has challenged me to evaluate my current relationships: to apologize to some for my unrealistic expectations, to explain my point of view and my resentments, and to ask them for theirs. I would challenge everyone to do the same and see how it changes things. 

"You will never understand another person until you consider things from his point of view... Until you climb into his skin and walk around in it..."

     ~Atticus Finch - "To Kill a Mockingbird"

Insert excited person dance here!

The past few months since I've been back from Zambia have been insane! I could probably write a whole book about all the stuff that has taken place but I wanted to give you all a cliff notes version of what's happening in the life of Azlyn McCarthy!

EXCITING NEWS: So I have the craziest, most exciting news to share with you all. Since returning from Zambia, I have had this passion and drive for overseas missions that I couldn't possibly ignore. The population group that God has so heavily laid upon my heart is orphans with special needs. In my mind, I figured that I would get into some entry-level mission work with orphans and eventually end up with the population group I so deeply desired to minister to. So I started doing research and long story short I found a very unique opportunity in Central African Republic (CAR). I met someone from Marshalltown who runs an orphanage from the states by equipping local people in CAR to take care of orphans and eventually find parents for them or help them transition into society. The orphanage is called Jonathan's House! Carter, the director of the ministry, told me that he is looking to expand the orphanage to meet the needs of a more diverse population... Namely orphans with special needs. 

I would love to share more in depth about how this all came to be and would gladly meet with you to do so if you'd like to hear more! 

PRAYER REQUESTS: 

-CAR as a whole. This country is not in a very good place right now and there are many needs to meet over there and not a lot of people willing to help meet them. 

-Jonathan's House. After a recent crisis in a nearby village, Jonathan's house will be taking in some new orphans here very soon. They are picking up the most vulnerable orphans, including some with very serious medical conditions. Please pray for the transition of these new kiddos. 

-Exploratory trip. I'm way excited to say that I will be headed over to CAR (Lord willing) at the beginning of August with the director of the orphanage, two prospective parents for a couple of the orphans there, and a good friend named Sara who is in grad school for special needs education. This is an absolutely phenomenal opportunity and I can't wait. I will be using this trip to feel out whether or not this will be where God wants me for more of a long term basis and will also be doing some assessments on the kiddos at the orphanage to see what kind of needs they have. This is going to be an excellent trip - please pray for safety and health for all of us in our travels. 

-Financial needs. This trip will cost about $3,000. I don't have all the information on how people can donate to this cause but if you would like to donate, please let me know and I will get that information to you when I have it. 

-Direction. I would love some prayer for direction and clarity from God about whether or not this is where he wants me to be. If he were to call me over there I would likely be there for 3-5 years and the plan would be to train and equip the locals to care for orphans with special needs and essentially work myself out of a job! No clue what comes after that but who really needs to know what happens that far in advance, anyway? ;)

Okay I think that's it! Hoping everything was clear there. Thank you soooo much in advance for your prayer support. I am aware that I'm fully I'll-equipped to take on such a huge task but I am trusting in a God much bigger than my abilities or inabilities! Praise Him for that. :)