One of my biggest fears is drowning. When I was 7 or 8 I was swimming at a public pool and decided to go down the water slide. I was barely tall enough to go down the slide and I had just recently gotten the hang of swimming, but wanted to go anyways. I went down and as I slid out into the pool, someone else came right behind me and landed on top of me while I was still underwater. It seemed like forever until they realized that they were stepping on me but finally I was able to get up and inhale air instead of pool water.
Around that time (possibly even the same day), my sister Chelsey and I were swimming in a wave pool. Chelsey fell off her tube in the midst of these gigantic waves and was unable to resurface. The lifeguards evidently weren't paying attention, but eventually a random stranger brought her back to safety. Pretty sure drowning is one of Chelsey's biggest fears as well... Maybe you can relate.
Many of you know the song, "How He Loves" by John Mark McMillan. In the bridge of that song he says, "if His grace is an ocean, we're all sinking..." Another less well-known song called "Washed Away" by Aaron Gillespie says, "Let Your waters rise 'till we're drowning here in You, capsize us in the tide of Your grace..."
This idea of drowning in grace puzzles me a little bit. I know that grace is wonderful, so why is it being tied to drowning - many peoples' biggest fear?
Now, I can't really speak to the song writers' original intentions for writing those lyrics, but I do know what they mean to me. To me, the idea of drowning makes me super uncomfortable. Even seeing someone submerged in water on TV makes me feel desperate for air. The LORD has brought me to the conclusion that grace makes me feel similarly. The idea of this never-ending, never-changing, never failing and never-deserved, never-earned, never-compensated grace leaves me breathless and desperate.
In Mark 5 lies a familiar bible story of a demon-possessed man named Legion. The bible says in verse 4 of that chapter that the demons had such a strong hold on Legion that "no one was strong enough to subdue him." But right as he saw Jesus, he fell at His feet and Jesus was able to cast the demons into a herd of pigs, who then proceeded to jump off a cliff and drown in a lake.
You would think that when people saw this take place, they would be amazed and excited about Jesus' power to "subdue" the legion of demons that had held this man captive for so many years, but what is their reaction, instead? Verse 17 says, "Then the people began to plead with Jesus to leave their region."
Wait, what?
I think these people were so scared because Jesus was able to do what they couldn't... They tried with all their might to rid Legion of his demons and when that failed, they tried with all their might to bind him with chains so that he wouldn't hurt anyone, but even that was a failure. When Chelsey was drowning in that wave pool years ago, she tried with all her might to save herself, but ultimately there was nothing she could do but wait for that random stranger to get her out of the water. When we were bound by the chains of sin, we tried with all our might to rid ourselves of the burden that came with it. All Jesus had to do was show up with His grace and just like that, we were free.
Drowning is scary because we know that in that situation there's nothing we can do to save ourselves. It's the same with grace. There's nothing we did to deserve it and there's nothing we can ever to do earn it - it can only be given by Jesus. As uncomfortable as that may make us feel, we are so much better off because of it.
So, let's embrace the uncomfortable. Let's drown in this grace. Because in this case, drowning is the only way to life.
Monday, March 17, 2014
Monday, January 27, 2014
Peace that Transcends Understanding
I've been thinking back to my junior year in high school a lot lately. For most of my life before that time, I had dreamed of being an author. My junior year brought both clarity and murkiness to my future plans. I knew for sure that writing would not be my career, but didn't know anything else. As person after person asked me what I was going to do after graduation, anxiety for the unknown built up in my heart. What was I going to do with the rest of my life?
My junior year in high school could have definitely been better. Looking back, I know that God's hand was guiding everything that happened. I know that I should've had more faith and let God take control, rather than trying to plan everything myself. Afterall, hindsight is 20/20, right?
However, despite that 20/20 hindsight, I find myself in a very similar predicament right now. A dangerous cocktail of anger and fear build up in me every time someone asks me what I'm going to do after graduation from UNI in December. There is such a vast array of possibilities partnered with a recurring growth of anxiety in choosing the wrong path.
But then there's my pal Jesus. A gentle nudge reminding me that He's already taken care of everything. He sees my future with perfect clarity. He turns me to His Word in Philippians 4:6-7. He reminds me through His buddy Paul to "not be anxious about anything but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present [my] requests to [Him]," and then He promises that after I do that, "the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard [my] heart and [my] mind in Christ Jesus." Woo!
And then... the control freak in me kicks in.
Satan whispers lies into my ear. "Everyone else seems to have their futures lined up... Why don't you?" "If you make the wrong decision, the whole world will surely explode!"
A good friend of mine, who is a senior in high school, told me yesterday that she, too, is overwhelmed by planning her future. She told me to turn to Proverbs 16:9. "In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps."
We can try to manipulate and control things all we want, but no matter what, God is in control. Making the "wrong" decision may cause our lives to be more challenging, but it's only challenging because God planned it to be that way, because only HE knows what's best for us in any given circumstance! This knowledge has been in my brain for a very long time, but how sweet it is that the LORD has finally broken through this stubborn heart and made mere knowledge a belief and a reality in my life.
People will continue to ask me "What are your plans for after graduation?" Now I can answer, "I have no idea," with a peace that transcends all understanding. We may not know what lies ahead of us, but God does. For now, all we can do is pray and believe that wherever God ends up leading us, we can find peace in knowing it's exactly where He intended us to be.
What about you?
In what areas of your life do you feel are unclear? Do you have peace in uncertainty? Do you want that peace if you don't already have it, and do you know where to look for it?
Praying that you seek out that answer if you don't know, and that ultimately you will be able to feel this amazing peace. It's a beautiful thing!
My junior year in high school could have definitely been better. Looking back, I know that God's hand was guiding everything that happened. I know that I should've had more faith and let God take control, rather than trying to plan everything myself. Afterall, hindsight is 20/20, right?
However, despite that 20/20 hindsight, I find myself in a very similar predicament right now. A dangerous cocktail of anger and fear build up in me every time someone asks me what I'm going to do after graduation from UNI in December. There is such a vast array of possibilities partnered with a recurring growth of anxiety in choosing the wrong path.
But then there's my pal Jesus. A gentle nudge reminding me that He's already taken care of everything. He sees my future with perfect clarity. He turns me to His Word in Philippians 4:6-7. He reminds me through His buddy Paul to "not be anxious about anything but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present [my] requests to [Him]," and then He promises that after I do that, "the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard [my] heart and [my] mind in Christ Jesus." Woo!
And then... the control freak in me kicks in.
Satan whispers lies into my ear. "Everyone else seems to have their futures lined up... Why don't you?" "If you make the wrong decision, the whole world will surely explode!"
A good friend of mine, who is a senior in high school, told me yesterday that she, too, is overwhelmed by planning her future. She told me to turn to Proverbs 16:9. "In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps."
We can try to manipulate and control things all we want, but no matter what, God is in control. Making the "wrong" decision may cause our lives to be more challenging, but it's only challenging because God planned it to be that way, because only HE knows what's best for us in any given circumstance! This knowledge has been in my brain for a very long time, but how sweet it is that the LORD has finally broken through this stubborn heart and made mere knowledge a belief and a reality in my life.
People will continue to ask me "What are your plans for after graduation?" Now I can answer, "I have no idea," with a peace that transcends all understanding. We may not know what lies ahead of us, but God does. For now, all we can do is pray and believe that wherever God ends up leading us, we can find peace in knowing it's exactly where He intended us to be.
What about you?
In what areas of your life do you feel are unclear? Do you have peace in uncertainty? Do you want that peace if you don't already have it, and do you know where to look for it?
Praying that you seek out that answer if you don't know, and that ultimately you will be able to feel this amazing peace. It's a beautiful thing!
Friday, January 17, 2014
Vulnerability Absolutely Terrifies Me..
Vulnerability absolutely terrifies me.
Anyone else in the same boat?
In the past I have been vulnerable in relationships and it has backfired completely, leaving me feeling heartbroken and alone. Whenever the opportunity for vulnerability presents itself to me, I do my best to avoid it. Oddly enough, asking questions to others that promote vulnerability and seeing them come to challenging conclusions is one of my favorite things to do. When those questions are directed back to me... Forget it.
My excuses for a long time to evade vulnerability have been, "I don't want conversations to be all about me," or, "Nobody cares how I'm really feeling." I've tried to convince myself that it's my unselfishness that leads me astray from vulnerability... But the truth is the exact opposite. It's a competition to know more about the other person than they know about me. It's about having the upper hand. And if I'm honest, in most of my relationships I'm winning this competition.
But is it really winning?
1 Corinthians 2:6-16 has totally rocked my world and has transformed the way I look at vulnerability; particularly verses 11 and 12.
"For who knows a person's thoughts except their own spirit within them? In the same way, no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. What we have received is not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may understand what God has freely given us."
God is the ultimate example of vulnerability. The Holy Spirit is the only one who knows God fully. When the Lord saves us, we have the Holy Spirit living in us as well (1 Cor. 6:19-20, John 14:15-17). So not only do we have access to all our own thoughts and ways, but we also have access to all of GOD'S thoughts and ways. Can you imagine implanting your spirit - full of your thoughts and actions - into someone else? That's what God has done! Talk about vulnerability!
Then I think of Jesus on the cross... Naked and bloodied and on display for all to see. His own Father left Him for dead (at least for a little while) and everyone knew it.
We can learn a lot from God about vulnerability.
God has taught me (and will continue to teach me) that my life, tangible items, and experiences are not mine to keep. I need to give as freely as God has given to me.
This means I have to be vulnerable.
It still terrifies me.
But finally I understand its importance.
Anyone else in the same boat?
In the past I have been vulnerable in relationships and it has backfired completely, leaving me feeling heartbroken and alone. Whenever the opportunity for vulnerability presents itself to me, I do my best to avoid it. Oddly enough, asking questions to others that promote vulnerability and seeing them come to challenging conclusions is one of my favorite things to do. When those questions are directed back to me... Forget it.
My excuses for a long time to evade vulnerability have been, "I don't want conversations to be all about me," or, "Nobody cares how I'm really feeling." I've tried to convince myself that it's my unselfishness that leads me astray from vulnerability... But the truth is the exact opposite. It's a competition to know more about the other person than they know about me. It's about having the upper hand. And if I'm honest, in most of my relationships I'm winning this competition.
But is it really winning?
1 Corinthians 2:6-16 has totally rocked my world and has transformed the way I look at vulnerability; particularly verses 11 and 12.
"For who knows a person's thoughts except their own spirit within them? In the same way, no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. What we have received is not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may understand what God has freely given us."
God is the ultimate example of vulnerability. The Holy Spirit is the only one who knows God fully. When the Lord saves us, we have the Holy Spirit living in us as well (1 Cor. 6:19-20, John 14:15-17). So not only do we have access to all our own thoughts and ways, but we also have access to all of GOD'S thoughts and ways. Can you imagine implanting your spirit - full of your thoughts and actions - into someone else? That's what God has done! Talk about vulnerability!
Then I think of Jesus on the cross... Naked and bloodied and on display for all to see. His own Father left Him for dead (at least for a little while) and everyone knew it.
We can learn a lot from God about vulnerability.
God has taught me (and will continue to teach me) that my life, tangible items, and experiences are not mine to keep. I need to give as freely as God has given to me.
This means I have to be vulnerable.
It still terrifies me.
But finally I understand its importance.
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